Episode 1. A Merry Christmas Season ahead with all your favourite Downham characters …

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November 12, 2012 by patrickpadget

 

The Right Honourable Cuthbert Charles Grenville Arthur Huddleston-Parr, for many a long year happily married to the ravishing Grand Duchess Tatiana Alix Marie af Holstein-Ledreborg, is now unhappily divorced after the birth of their twenty second dark-complexioned daughter. The Grand Duchess has departed on a Grand Tour of the continent, via Frinton, with her trusty, long-serving West Indian manservant, Roger d’Arcy Commode.

Recently, in a desperate bid to re-establish his male family lineage, Cuthbert has become engaged to Lady Jane Rayner of Stuntney Manor aged sixteen and three quarters. Her family are overjoyed with the match in spite of the wide age difference (74 years) for it is widely agreed Lady Jane is “no oil painting” but wide of hips, horse-faced and very fond of sloe gin and rough shag. And she is often seen vigorously stimulating her pussy with a loofa in the ladies’ powder room.

Below stairs trouble is brewing. Gilbert, the treacherous butler, has revealed to Lord Cuthbert’s mother, Lady Florence V’Agina, that his lordship has been “carrying on” with her housemaid Fanny Baxter who is now, it seems, in the family way. Lady Florence, horrified, summons Baxter to her boudoir and demands to know the truth.

“Oi’m a good girl, Oi am me ladyship. Oi ain’t dun nuffing wrong, Oi ain’t,” says Fanny truculently. “Oi was minding me own business down below stairs, readin Wimmin’s Weekly’s lonely hearts pages, when someone crept up behind me and took down me particulars and, then bold as brass, Bob’s yer Uncle, flash, bang, wallop, shouting “Geronimo!” all the while, slipped me a Wiener Schnitzel. And me still munching on a pickled egg and reading the paper  …TO BE CONTINUED

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE? CAN YOU BEAR THE SUSPENSE? WATCH OUT FOR FURTHER GRIPPING INSTALMENTS OF DOWNHAM ABBEY TO FOLLOW IN THE COMING WEEKS.

HIT NAUGHTY MR GILBERT ON THE NOSE TO ENHANCE YOUR DOWNHAM EXPERIENCE.

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Downton Abbey

01 Downton Abbey - The Suite
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